As of late, I have not found my inspiration to blog. I skipped November and this is the beginning of a rewrite I had started for December. Originally, I began to write about inner light. “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” It’s the season of celebrating light of all kinds; the birth of the Child of Light, the miracle of Hanukkah candles burning, store fronts and streets aligned with lights because, um, it’s a pagan ritual celebrating the return of light at the winter solstice? Oh, it’s good for business.
‘Tis the season of outer light illuminations. All well and good. Yet, when I began to write about inner light shining, I recognized that I was feeling more in the shadows. During the busy holiday season, perhaps if we’re lucky, mindful and/or aware, we will acknowledge the inner light within ourselves and others, radiating out to the world, spreading love, kindness and peace. Right? That’s really the importance of the season, no matter what you celebrate; but, what if our inner light is clouded over? What if we feel more in the shadows than in the light?
I live in Minnesota, and though I am happy to experience a warm streak with temperatures hovering around 45 degrees fahrenheit, this last week has been nothing but cloudy, damp, grey and gloomy. I imagine our weather is mimicking a Seattle winter. I miss the sunshine! At least, even in a typically frigid cold Minnesota winter, we usually get many days of sunshine! So, is it the lack of sunshine that is clouding my inner light? Why am I not gushing with positive words of loving inspiration? I’m in the healing business, so shouldn’t I, after all, be radiating that warm, fuzzy, high vibration of divine, unconditional, loving energy and sharing it with all? For it is true, that upon reflection, I hold a picture in my mind that healers and spiritually minded people shouldn’t or simple don’t experience feelings of self-doubt, separation, fear, or confusion, just to name a few. Is this a healthy picture on which to be stuck?
Rather than pretending to be all loving and inspirational in my December blog, I am sharing in authenticity my present state of mind; for I am in a transition in life and things are a stirrin’ in my psyche! A wise teacher has often reminded me that we must accept where we are first for there to be movement and change. By being in resistance to where we are, we only get stuck further in what we are resisting. And so, I graciously acknowledge my “stuckness.” So, what does one do when feeling “stuck?”
Times of feeling unease, resistance, anger, sadness can be indicators that one is going through a growth period. When we make a change in our lives or take a step up in our conscious awareness, emotions and thoughts get loosened up. We begin to release the fear, sadness, anger, pain that we were unconsciously carrying. With new growth, these old paradigms begin to rise to the surface. If we are aware that we are in a “growth period,” we may acknowledge what is stirring up and know it is simply on its way out. We can let it go and release it out of our energetic space. But sometimes, when these emotions and thoughts loosen up and surface to our conscious awareness, we get caught right back in them and begin a dance of identifying ourselves as those emotions. We become the sadness, anger, self-doubt, and/or confusion. We get stuck as we cycle, and recycle, these stirred up thoughts and feelings, around and around, holding them in our energetic space, rather than releasing them on their merry way.
When we recognize that we are Spirit, that of joy, love and light, we are able to witness these stirring emotions and thoughts while remaining in amusement. As my mentor would say, we can smile when we are crying our eyes out and say, “isn’t is amusing that I’m feeling sad.” Note, with awareness, we aren’t saying, “I am sad.” It’s a matter of where are we giving our seniority. As we gain certainty in ourselves as Spiritual beings, we begin to see thoughts and emotions we experience, as simply “pictures” in our minds. We no longer give them power over us.
My favorite imagery to describe this further is such: Imagine that your inner light, the divine essence that is YOU, is the light bulb of a slide projector. Each slide that is placed in front of the light, shows a picture. Some images may bring joy, others reflect pain, competition, self-doubt. As the light passes through these slide pictures, the inner light bulb is dimmed to the outside world. Imagine if we were to pile up one slide in front of the other, and another, and another. Soon the light from the projector bulb would be blocked. Our inner light would not only be cloudy, it would appear as darkness.
But as soon as we take a picture away and remove a slide, more light shines forth. As we are able to release more and more pictures, our inner sunshine visibly radiates outward.
So this December, I blog to remind myself and others that we are Spirit. I’m here to validate the Light Bulb of the Grand Slide Projector! We are not the pictures that come and go, or sometimes get stuck in view; rather, we are that inner light that is always present. May we begin to recognize the pictures through which our light is filtering. Having seniority as Spirit, we do not need to give power to these pictures that impede our journey. We may release them with ease, with no effort, out of our space. Great! But how do we do that?
That, my friends, will be the subject of a future blog, mostly likely to be titled, “Exploding Roses.” Until then, enjoy being the light you are. May the clouds be lifted and let there be light. And to bring the actual sunshine back to Minnesota, here something we can all sing: “Let the Sunshine In.” (It starts at 2:18.) Enjoy!
-Amy Laederach
