There was a time in my not so far distant past, when I was feeling anxious about money. Money was something I felt I needed for survival. Curious how that happens. It seemed to me that not enough money was flowing in my direction; or perhaps it flowed too swiftly back into the Sea of Intangible Wealth.
As I alluded to in a past blog, Which, What, Who, I’ve spent time searching for my next career path in support of financial stability and personal goals. It shouldn’t be so hard, right? I’m aware of the power of thought. I am aware of the concept of manifesting our reality. I saw The Secret. Heck, attracting money and abundance… It’s a Law, isn’t it?
Okay, to be fair, I have not studied the Law of Attraction or done the exercises in The Secret. Maybe I missed out, but as the movie/book didn’t quite resonate with me, I found no short cuts there. So, here I was, stuck on the picture of lack. In my mind, money was something I had to try to get. Yes, many of us work hard and make an effort to bring in money to meet our survival needs. I don’t mind working hard, but due to worry, the idea of money itself began to take on a different quality. In my subconscious psyche, money was seen more as an obstacle than a resource. By my thinking, MONEY = BURDEN. No wonder it wasn’t flowing! Who wants to have a flowing river of burdens in their lives? As explained in the blog, Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine, I was stuck on a picture and my current picture of money needed to shift.
Changing Pictures
I am fortunate to be in the healing business, so to speak. Every couple months I meet up with two healer friends/colleagues. We do exchanges. This particular week was my turn to receive a healing. Yay, for me! On my mind was much uncertainty about my future, about my ability to manifest abundance. I intended this healing to bring in more certainty and direction. While I was on the table receiving a healing, I began to see an image of money. Before me was a pile of money that glistened and radiated with light. It was as though faeries had sprinkled magic faerie dust all over it. Rainbow colors danced and celebrated in joy and lightness.
This image of glittering money, infused in magical sparkles of light was a wonderful image indeed. Seeing this image immediately lightened the vibration of burden I had associated with money. Money looked joyous, light, radiant! Money was a gift! I felt gratitude and relief to see it in a new light. I hoped to remember this quality of lightness and joy now present in my new perception of money.
Pause. Breathe. Reflect. Great, but isn’t this just the opposite side of the same coin? I flipped the image of money from burden to divine, but aren’t I still giving a lot of power to money itself? Though as much as I’d like to savor my light vibration, sparkling, joyful money images, I have to admit, I’m allowing an image of money to be senior, to be the center of my thinking and awareness. What if money isn’t really the issue at hand?
A wise teacher once shared that it’s not actually money we desire. Money is just a means to the end, so to speak. We desire to have food, shelter, clothing, a vacation, an experience seeing a play, the opportunity for us or our children to be educated. Oh, so many varying desires and interests. Yet, even these material things are just means to the end results of experiencing comfort, joy, freedom, love, connectedness, health.
A short story was shared regarding this idea of money not being the key to abundance or fulfillment. There was a person that desired to have a new, red Corvette. They did not have the money to acquire such a thing. One afternoon, this person saw a personal ad in the paper stating a Corvette was for sale for $1.00. Of course, this must be a mistake, thought the individual. Pursuing further out of curiosity, it turns out the ad was not a misprint. A woman was selling the Corvette for $1.00. She was divorcing her husband and they were to split their assets. She spitefully sold her husband’s precious sports car for $1.00. Okay, yes, a dollar was exchanged, but you get the point.
It is possible to have desires manifest without the use of money. A friend may have a free ticket to the theater. Someone gives you a bag of clothes that no longer fits them. Perhaps, it serves us well to put less focus on money itself. Might I feel comfort by sitting in the warm sunshine, rather than buying the chocolate bar or flat screen television? So, if money isn’t the true issue at hand, then why do I feel unease? Why do I feel anxious?
Oh, Anxiety! Part B… What’s YOUR Dosha?
I have much to be grateful for in life. I am healthy. I have two wonderful children and four loving furry pets. I have great friends and family, fulfilling hobbies. Yet, for years I have felt an underlying current of stress. I associate my stress as normal companions to life events I’ve endured: divorce, selling a house, moving, single parenting for the most part, death of my son’s friend, Dad’s health issues, divorce re-negotiations, Mom’s cancer, financial uncertainty, death of my Mom, more financial uncertainty. Luckily, I have been able to use much of what I’ve learned in my spiritual practice to work through many of these life experiences. Yet, I can’t seem to dispel the anxiety and fear I hold regarding my financial uncertainty. Maybe I need that glitter money image up front and center in my home, but I think the answer lies elsewhere.
I have studied a bit of Ayruveda, learning about health, nutrition, daily and seasonal rhythms as these factors relate to our body constitutions or doshas. The three Ayruvedic doshas are Vata, Pitta and Kapha. Turns out I am mostly Vata. I’m sure it is because I am mostly Vata that I didn’t study Ayruveda as in depth as my friend and health colleague, John Blaska, LAc DAOM, of Everspring Health. John graciously pointed out to me that as a Vata, it would be common for me to feel anxiety and fear when in a stressful situation. He pointed out that if I were a different constitution, I would react differently. My interpretation of this awareness goes as such: Perhaps as a Kapha out of balance, I would become lethargic or depressed. As a Pitta out of balance, I may blame others for my troubles. Yet as a Vata, it seems easy to churn with the wind all the different options and then feel overwhelmed and anxious in the chaos of choices. Or more on topic, feel anxious and get stuck in worry about finances, rather than take timely action.
There’s much to explore regarding Ayruveda, the qualities of the doshas and maintaining a balanced constitution. I will not be able to do it justice here, so please explore additional resources. What’s important to note is this new insight my friend, John, had shared. With this perspective on anxiety as it relates to my personal constitution, I have been more able to not become the anxiety. Back to the idea of releasing pictures, I am able to recognize Anxiety, but I do not need to become it, fall victim to it or get stuck in it. I may feel anxiety or fear, but with heightened awareness, I can choose to release these associated thoughts and images, opening space to that which I most truly resonate.
So, back to shining, sparkling money… In amusement and neutrality, let’s welcome the imagery of joyful money. Rather than countering a fear of lack, let the image serve as a playful representation for the flowing essence that allows us to experience our true heart’s desires. May we all welcome and validate love, joy, peace, freedom, comfort, safety, health, connection, communion, delight, exploration, friendship, fun and fulfillment as these qualities graciously enhance our lives, with a little help from our friend, Cash, from time to time. Enjoy!
-Amy Laederach
